When I re-read what I had written earlier, i realized that I have a problem with not using complete thoughts. Fragments are something I must work on. I also need to work on being so blunt with what the topic is. I need to ease the reader in to what the paper is going to be about. Mr. Hughes said in his comments to me, that some of the ways I phrased things were a bit rigid. I also have a problem with being specific and using examples when I talk about certain things. My thesis statements when i write don't present the main topic of the paper.
Some ways I can improve my writing is just to relax. I need to let more of my imagination come out through the paper, and I need to worry less about the facts. I basically write like I am going down a check list and mentioning every point that I am told to discuss. With all the research I did, I realized that my thesis statement should not only appeal to the audience, but it should explain everything that I am going to talk about throughtout the paper. If I relax more and develop my thoughts better, I can write one great paper.
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